Broken Spirit
by JeanLuc761
Summary: An impromptu discovery of a Prothean data cache forces Commander Shepard to reluctantly return to Akuze, the planet that nearly broke him less than a decade ago. Relying on his friends for support, Shepard returns to face the darkest moment of his life.
1. Chapter 1: The Illusive Man

"Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to see you in the briefing room."

Kelly Chambers status update was met with silence. She smiled at the sight of her Commander as he continued manipulating the probe controls over a hologram of the nearby planet. He had been mining Element Zero and Palladium for the better part of the last half hour and she could see that he had fallen into something of a stupor.

"_Can't blame him_," she thought to herself, "_he let me try it once and it's even duller than it looks. This is one of the few times I _**_don't_**_ envy being the Commander."_

She approached the distracted Commander and tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. Shepard jerked out of his cloudy state of mind and looked at his assistant.

"Yes Ms. Chambers?" he said politely.

"Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you. He says it's about your last talk."

Shepard chuckled, remembering that conversation well. The Illusive Man had been less than pleased with Shepard's decision to destroy the Collector Base. Just thinking about it brought a warm wave of satisfaction; it had been the talk of the ship for nearly three days.

"Thank you Kelly," Shepard said, smiling, "I'll go see him in a moment."

"Of course Commander," Kelly acknowledged, "Would you like me to resume mining while you're absent?"

Shepard gave a hollow laugh and patted his friend on the shoulder.

"No Kelly, that responsibility remains with me." Shepard said, his eyes glinting mischievously, "Besides, I saw your face when you were mining Zorya; I've never seen anyone so bored! C'mon, go get some dinner in the mess hall, it's been a long day."

Kelly gave a warm smile and saluted, "Much appreciated Commander, thank you."

Shepard nodded as she walked off to the elevator. He was impressed by how much she had re-committed herself to the ship, even after the horrors she and the rest of the crew had experienced at the hands of the Collectors. The memory of that day brought a hardened look over his face but now wasn't the time to dwell on it. Banishing the thought from his mind, he closed down the probe software and walked to the briefing room.

"Connection to the Illusive Man is stable, Commander. You may activate the communicator at any time."

"Thank you EDI." acknowledged Shepard as he purposefully moved to the center of the briefing room.

The ambient lighting dimmed 80% and Shepard felt the familiar tingling sensation of his body being digitally analyzed and sent as quantum data in realtime. In less than five seconds, he was face to "face" with the Illusive Man.

"Commander Shepard," he began, "I'm glad you decided to accept this meeting. I wasn't sure if you had any interest in talking after our last...shall we say _dispute_."

Shepard began to respond but the Illusive Man put his hand up, cutting him off.

"Shepard, I'm not here to argue with you about what you did. I may not agree with it but there is nothing I can do now to change it. With that in mind, I feel it's prudent to ask if you have learned anything new about the Reapers from the data EDI retrieved during your time on the Collector Base. It would be a shame if you had nothing to show for your efforts there."

Shepard thought he detected a hint of malice behind the Illusive Man's calm demeanor, but decided it wasn't noting at the time.

"Unfortunately, we aren't coming up with much. We don't have any information on their precise weaknesses, nor do we even know how many are coming. What we do know is that they are lead by a Reaper named Harbinger and that, at time of data retrieval, their fleet is exactly 42,752 light-years from the edge of the galactic spiral arm."

The Illusive Man took pause as he considered Shepard's words. Exhaling a thick cloud of smoke, he asked Shepard directly, "So, where does this leave us?"

"Well, while it doesn't give us a direct means of combating the Reapers, it does present an encouraging opportunity. This data is irrefutable proof of the existence of this threat, one that not even the Council can deny."

The Illusive Man coughed and gave a half-hearted smile. "With respect Commander, we thought the same thing about Sovereign and yet the Council immediately dismissed what _should_ have been conclusive evidence. What makes you think your data won't yield the same result?"

It was a loaded question and Shepard was caught off-guard. Knowing that the Commander didn't have an answer, the Illusive Man chose to present an alternative.

"Unfortunately, we need something more. The Council doesn't yet trust you enough to to take your words at face value, despite everything you've done for them. I don't know if they ever will." He took another drag from his cigarette. "Fortunately, I may have something of value that, if confirmed, will prove the reliability of your data beyond the shadow of any doubt."

Shepard looked up, surprised by this new development.

"A few weeks ago, after receiving confirmation that the native Thresher Maw threat had been exterminated, we set up a research colony...on Akuze."

Shepard reeled back in complete disbelief of what he had just heard.

"What possible reason did you have for setting up a colony there? Didn't you learn your lesson the first time, or are fifty dead marines not enough?!" he demanded, fury flooding his voice. He had not forgotten the two torturous days he spent on that hellhole, nor had he forgiven Cerberus for conducting that experiment.

Ignoring Shepard's sudden outburst, the Illusive Man continued, "With the Thresher Maws gone, we felt it was safe to begin exploring the world further than anyone had gone before. We happened upon several odd magnetic readings near the equator and established research colonies at each one. Three days ago, one of our colonies suddenly dropped off the radar and we haven't been able to contact them since."

Struggling to control the venom pervading his speech, Shepard asked "What do you think happened to them? Did they find something?"

"We're not certain as to why we haven't heard from them, but we have a theory. Their last transmission had several faults in the encryption algorithms. It was a brief message, but it was to the point. It very specifically stated that they had uncovered a Prothean data cache approximately 80 feet below the surface of the planet. We never heard from them after that. We suspect that someone intercepted that message and decided to attack the colony, hoping to claim the finding for themselves. Unfortunately, we've been unable to confirm any of this."

"And you want me to take a squad down to see for ourselves."

The Illusive Man smiled, "Shepard, you've proven yourself time and time again, both to me and the rest of humanity. The fact that you proved yourself on Akuze once before only cements my faith in your ability. I _know_ you can handle this."

Shepard paused for a short time, considering his available options. As much as he wished he could tell the Illusive Man off, he knew what the right course of action was.

"Very well. Send the coordinates to Joker and I'll make sure we check it out."

"I'm glad to hear it Shepard," the Illusive Man said, his blue eyes flashing, "I recommend you bring Ms. Tali'Zorah with you; her decryption expertise could come in quite handy."

Shepard nodded, "I agree."

"Be careful, and good luck Shepard."

With that, the Illusive Man cut the connection. Shepard heaved a heavy sigh as he contemplated returning to the world that nearly broke him. Still, if it meant he could finally shove the evidence of the Reaper threat in the council's faces, then maybe the risk would be worth it. One thing was for certain however, his crew wasn't going to like this.


	2. Chapter 2: Conflicted

Shepard exited the Normandy's briefing room, his mind swirling with a torrent of conflicting emotions. The news of an unearthed Prothean data cache was certainly a joyous opportunity but the prospect of returning to Akuze was more than a little unsettling. While he had gained a reputation for his mental acuity by surviving conditions that would have broken other men, very few people knew how close he had come. Seeing fifty good men and women getting torn to shreds before his eyes...hearing the terrible roar and gaping maw of the Thresher bearing down on the bodies of deceased and surviving alike...it filled him with horrific memories and plagued his dreams, perverting them into hopeless nightmares as the visions of that night returned to haunt him.

Shepard continued walking towards the cockpit of his ship as he forced himself to banish these thoughts from his mind. He would need complete clarity of purpose if he wanted to assure his crew that this mission was worth the risk. As he approached the front of the ship, Joker swiveled in his chair to face him.

"Uh Commander, are these coordinates right? Why the hell are we heading to Akuze?"

"Is something wrong Joker?" Shepard said, knowing full well what was going through his pilot's mind.

"Well, no...not really. It just feels odd that the Illusive Man wants us to go there."

Shepard smiled, knowing he'd have to choose his words carefully.

"According to both him and Alliance reports, the planet was recently cleared of the native Thresher Maws and made hospitable for small research colonies. Cerberus established several along the equator in the last few weeks and one of them came across a Prothean data cache. After that, communication was cut and he wants us to check it out."

Joker sat back in his chair and looked out into space. After a long pause, he nodded and entered the coordinates in the nearby console.

"Alright Commander, I trust you on this. Just...if anything feels wrong promise me you'll get the hell out of there as fast as you can. We're not losing you again."

Shepard paused as that last line hit him. As much as he loved his crew, and as much as he knew his crew respected him, hearing what he meant to them never failed to strike on an emotional level that very few knew he had. After a long pause, Shepard held out his hand. Joker looked at his Commander, then returned his gesture.

"You won't lose me Joker, I promise."

Joker gave Shepard a firm handshake, then swiveled back to his controls.

"Anything else Commander?"

Shepard considered Joker's initial concern over this mission and realized that everyone else would likely feel the same way.

"Call everyone into the mess hall. I need to explain this mission to them as well."

"Aye-aye Commander. ETA to Akuze is 1 hour 15 minutes."


	3. Chapter 3: The Briefing

Shepard stood with his back against one of the medical bay windows as he watched his crew gather in the mess hall, noting that there had been an abrupt change in mood over the last few minutes. He glanced over at the nearby table where, just moments ago, Kelly and two other crewmembers had been eating dinner and talking animatedly. Now, there was a frigid air encapsulating the entire deck and all talk had ceased to uncertain whispers. He knew what they were discussing; a conversation with the Illusive Man usually meant a dangerous mission was at hand. Shepard would have to be careful to allay their fears during the briefing.

A faint ping from the elevator alerted Shepard to the arrival of the Engineering crew. His pulse involuntarily quickened as Tali came into view, her eyes gleaming brightly. While the rest of the Engineering crew took their seats or found a place to stand, Tali continued walking towards him, worry clear in her normally friendly eyes.

"What's going on Shepard?" she whispered, "I've heard rumors that you were talking to the Illusive Man. What does he want?"

Shepard took her hand in an attempt to reassure her.

"I'll explain everything in a few moments. We're just waiting for the rest of the crew to arrive."

Tali gripped his hand tightly, her eyes downcast and her body language expressing nothing but discomfort. Completely ignoring the , he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, hoping to comfort her. He gently caressed her hand with his own as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Everything is just fine Tali, I promise."

She gripped his hand tighter.

"I don't trust the Illusive Man Shepard. After everything Cerberus has done in the past, and what he said to me on the Collector homeworld. I just...don't trust him. I'm not sure why you still do."

Shepard sighed sympathetically, turned her to face him, then pulled her into a tight hug.

"Forget the Illusive Man, Tali, and forget what he said to you because he's plain wrong. We were right to destroy the base, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Besides," he said, pulling her closer, "I couldn't have done any of this without you."

They held each other tightly for a few more moments, though soon enough Shepard became aware that the entire deck had gone deathly silent. Zaeed's grizzled, yet amused voice cut through the silence.

"So Shepard, are you going to tell us what you called us here for or are you and Tali going to get a room?"

Shepard and Tali quickly pulled apart. She looked at him, wringing her hands, embarrassed.

"I guess I should uh...go find somewhere to sit. You uh...you go ahead."

Tali walked to the table and buried her visor into her hands, clearly beating herself up for such a public display. Mindful of the fact that all eyes were still on him, Shepard attempted to regain his composure and began the briefing.

"For those of you who haven't heard yet, I just spoke with the Illusive Man. We have a new mission. EDI, pull up a hologram of the planet please."

"Affirmive Commander," the ghostly voice answered as a translucent model of Akuze was projected into the center of the room.

"This is Akuze. Cerberus recently set up several research colonies near the equator in the hopes of exploring the planet more comprehensively than anyone else had been able to. During their initial expansion, the scientists of the _Divinity_ colony came across an intact Prothean data cache."

A few gasps echoed through the room. Like Shepard, they all knew that was an incredibly important discovery. Shepard waited a few moments for the room to quiet down, then continued.

"Two days ago, the colony went silent. No more progress updates, no requests for help, nothing. The Illusive Man is concerned the the colony is under siege by an unknown force that may have intercepted information about the discovery. It's our mission to find out what happened to the colony and extract the Prothean device by any means necessary."

Shepard paused, surveying the room. All eyes looked at him with rapt attention, though he noticed several were laced with concern; Shepard's history with this planet, and with the Illusive Man, were well known.

"I know some of you are concerned about this mission, hell, I am myself. I also know that you are all familiar with my history, and I'm here to assure you that the Thresher Maw threat that plagued Akuze was recently eliminated thanks to Admiral Hackett. By all accounts, there should be no native threats. And, while I may not trust the Illusive Man, this discovery is far too important to pass up. Are there any questions?"

The room remained silent. Seeing there was nothing left to be said, Shepard nodded.

"Very well. This is going to be a quick extraction, and I'm going to need everyone at their best. Routine mission or not, we don't know what we're going to face down there. Work together as a single unit, and I promise we'll come out of this one unscathed. Dismissed."

The crew immediately stood up and saluted, then began moving off to complete their individual assignments. Tali cast one more worried look at Shepard, then began chatting with Ken and Gabby as they all headed back down to engineering. Surprisingly, Garrus was the only one who showed no signs of returning to his post. To the contrary, he had his eyes trained on Shepard, a faint hint of suspicion gleaming in the dark recesses of his green irises. Knowing this would undoubtedly cause problems if he did not contain it now, Shepard moved towards his friend.

Acknowledging his approach, Garrus swiftly stood up and demanded, "Armory, five minutes."

Nodding his head, the turian walked off, uncertainty clear in his step. Disturbed, though not quite surprised by this new development, Shepard watched his friend disappear around the corner and board the elevator. Knowing exactly what Garrus wished to discuss, but respecting the five minute guideline he had given the commander, Shepard walked to the medical bay to inform Doctor Chakwas to prepare for the possibility of survivors in need of immediate attention.

As he approached the doctor, one thought consumed Shepard's mind. Despite the fact that they had all returned from what was described as a suicide mission, he felt more fear from all of them than he ever had while preparing to take down the Collectors. What bothered him the most is that, no matter how deeply he searched his mind, he had no explanation as to why they felt that way. He would need to be strong for them all if they wanted to come out of this mission successfully. He knew they depended on him, but nothing could prepare him for just how important that simple fact would prove to be.


	4. Chapter 4: Garrus

As Shepard attended to his duties below decks, Garrus spread an anti-static cloth onto the Armory's steel worktable and gently laid down his reliable and oft-used M-92 Mantis Rifle. After the mission on the collector homeworld, he realized the barrel had a slight hitch as it extended, delaying his initial shot by a matter of nearly 2/5ths of a second. As minor as that sounded, it could mean the difference between life and death on the battlefield.

Fortunately, the solution involved a simple repair, requiring nothing more than disassembling the front assembly, removing the old grease with a polishing cloth, and finally applying a thin layer of lubricant to remove any friction from the metal slide. A mundane task to be sure, but one that he found relaxing. Sighing contentedly, Garrus began his work. The entire process would take less than three minutes for the experienced vigilante and it would serve not only to improve his combat proficiency, but also his clarity of mind; the latter would be especially important in regards to the matter he wished to discuss with Shepard.

As he eased into the process, Garrus began quietly singing an ancestral tune from the turian homeworld of Palaven. It was a time-honored ritual for him; a requirement before every mission he went on. When coupled with routine battle preparation, the song served to soothe his troubled mind, allowing him to reach a level of mental proficiency that he was unable to attain by any other means. While not naive enough to believe that this habit actually bestowed any good fortune upon him, he knew that it had been an important factor in his survival on Omega.

The fresh lubricant applied, Garrus gently eased the barrel back into the main part of the weapon, noting with satisfaction that it moved without a hitch. A loud **clack** told him that the weapon was once again operational, and a quick diagnostic and activation test confirmed the weapon was working at optimal efficiency. He checked the digital readout on his omni-tool; 2 minutes and 44 seconds, a new personal best. As he began cleaning the workstation he heard the distant chime of the Normandy SR2's elevator. _Shepard is nothing if not punctual_, he thought, chuckling to himself. Patting his rifle, he stood up to greet his friend.

The commander walked into the armory with a warm smile on his face, though Garrus noted his eyes looked troubled. That was...unsettling, to say the least.

"Thanks for coming to see me Shepard." Garrus said, extending a hand.

"Of course Garrus. I take it that you wanted to discuss something important?" Shepard nodded his head respectfully as he shook his friend's hand.

"There are a couple things I wanted to talk to you about actually. Please, take a seat." Garrus motioned to the identical steel stools sitting nearby. The pair sat down, and he continued.  
"So, you and Tali huh?" Garrus asked, the turian equivalent of a smirk on his face.

Shepard chuckled, "Yeah...you saw that did you?"

"A little hard to miss, Commander. How long has this been going on?"

Shepard looked into space, momentarily lost in thought.

"I'd say it officially started after the events on the Flotilla...but I think we both felt something for each other as we were chasing down Saren," he said wistfully, "but, neither one of us had the courage to say anything at the time."

Garrus leaned back in his chair, genuine surprise in his eyes.

"Never expected fear to hold you back, of all people."

Shepard smiled sadly, then looked back out into space.

"I'm not perfect Garrus, far from it. Ordinarily I'm able to repress my nervousness when the situation calls for it...but I'm unable to keep that control when I'm with her."

Garrus looked at Shepard's distressed face, his worry once again making a resurgence.

"I see...any other times when you let emotion get in the way?"

Shepard turned his head sharply to look at his friend...there was something more to this.

"Garrus, if you've got something to say, then speak your mind."

The turian stood up sighed, then turned around for a moment, trying to determine the best way to handle this. The answer was strikingly clear; be direct and honest. He looked back at Shepard, noting the worry behind his eyes. _Now or never_, he thought.

"Shepard, I know you've probably already chosen who you're taking on this mission...but I'm coming too."

Shepard smiled, grateful for his friend's offer.

"I appreciate it Garrus, but I assure you that Tali and Grunt will perform admirably. And you know my protocol of only operating as a three person squad."

"I know your protocol and I respect it...but I wasn't asking, Shepard. I'm coming whether you like it or not."

Shepard's eyes narrowed defensively; he wasn't used to taking demands, much less from his friends.

"What's going on here?"

Garrus looked pointedly at him.

"Frankly Shepard, I don't think this mission is a good idea; it feels like a trap. The timing alone is suspect, nevermind the location. After what you did to him, to Cerberus...I don't like it."

"I understand Garrus."

The turian gave a deep sigh, then looked at Shepard sadly.

"No, Shepard, I don't think you do. Two years ago...when we lost you...it tore our team apart. You were our anchor, our source of hope. When you died, all of that was gone. None of us came out unscathed from that, Tali especially; I wasn't entirely certain she could go on. If we lost you, now, I am convinced that none of the original crew would be able to survive...myself included. You're all we have."

_There it was_, Shepard thought. The words hung in the air and the pair were silent for some time. Finally, he spoke.

"Garrus, you and I have been friends for a while now, and I trust you more than most anyone else on this ship. You're like a brother to me, and it means a lot that you're standing up to me on this."

Shepard smiled, then stood up and placed his hand on Garrus's shoulder.

"Tell you what Garrus, you're more than welcome to come with us. If it still feels like a trap when we're down there, I'll order a full abort. I promise. I won't leave you again."

"Thank you Shepard," Garrus said, pulling Shepard into a friendly hug, "I knew you'd understand. Now then, let's get ready."

Shepard nodded, and the two went to work customizing their weapons for the mission at hand. After a few minutes of nothing more than weapon repair and polishing, Garrus decided to break the silence and chuckled.

"So, tell me Shepard...how's her flexibility?

Shepard simply buried his face in his hands and burst out laughing.


End file.
